new to board have had depression for over 8 yrs am in early 30s. Have just in last 2 yrs had to many health problems along with mental that i had to quit working which i always did. I have taken zoloft for 5yrs now not feeling that it ever really did much good but better then being without anything. Now because of fighting for ssd for 2 yrs and being denined and going bankrupt husband of 15 yrs if living over 2000 miles from me and 2 kids trying to make enough to keep us going and i believe to be away from me. He does not say that but that is one of my biggest problems i have such low self esteem now that i cant work or help support family that i feel like he deserves more then me. In our first yr of marriage which we were both in teens very young marriage he had affair and left me and our 1 yr old son he was gone 3 months. I begged called followed i wouldnt leave him alone and then one day i gave up and there he was wanting to come back. It was very hard but i took him back and ever since then which was over 14 yrs ago i have never trusted him. I just figured this is normal for anyone that has been cheated on but now that we live so far apart and i cant work i am so parinoid i feel like he is with someone else and i am driving him away. I think down deep i dont think he is with someone but my mind wont let me think that. I cause huge fights and he does not help because he does not show love easy which he has never done i just beg him to do that now while i am having a hard time he just dont understand. I think i am going to lose him if i dont quit but i dont know how to control it. any advice