when i was 15 i had an abortion and decided to move schools, wanted to start fresh.
i had a history os skipping classes, and the new school knew about it so they always put that on my head. sometimes when i'm late, you have to sign in a late pass in the office and the assistant principle's office was there and he would sometimes see me and threaten me with, "this is youre last chance". i thought it wasn't fair, other people were been far off worse than i have and he never picks it up because they don't have the "past", just fake permission slips.
as time goes by, i kept thinking of all the what ifs and it really went to my head and just before i was about to finish year 10, i slip up and they told me to talk to th counseller, so obviously i had to tell her in order to stay in the school. i thought that would be enough, but it wasn't and they wanted to know. i just didn't want to tell anybody, so they asked me to leave the school. and i let it happen. the following year, i applied at tafe to do year 10, went good for a bit then i just couldn't do it.
i think from the high school experience, i hate been chased up, i hate confrontation. so i run away from things.
i'm 18 now and i have wasted three years of my life. i still feel 16.
i have submitted myself to tafe to do yr 11, i have one more month to go, and i'm pulling myself away from it. i don't know what's wrong with me.
i have no motivation and i don't think about the future and i think that's why i've wasted so much of myself.
when i get sad, i get really sad and i want to get away and i just don't want to be here. it's hard to talk to anyone about it when i feel like this.
i can't seem to bring the topic up in conversation when i feel sad. i don't know what's wrong with me.
|